Monday, April 16, 2012

Take a chance on me*

When my life took a sharp left turn I thought all I would net was some nasty whiplash. For months I sat alone, licking my wounds before I decided to take a chance and tell my story.  I am astounded at the outpouring of love and support I’ve received the past few weeks. My inbox has been inundated with messages from people I haven’t heard from in almost twenty years, from complete strangers and from close friends. People took a chance on me and shared their own intimate stories of love and loss.

I underestimated the ripple effect my words would have. As I read through the stories and words of encouragement, I was laden with the thought of how my divorce has affected the people in my life. I have been so busy dealing with my own fear, shame and sadness that I never stopped to consider how my friends and family were taking the news. Rob-and-Shannon are no longer one entity. We’re no longer a package deal. How did that make my friends and family feel?  How were they dealing with the new situation?

I called my girlfriend for one of our soul-charging talks. She lives in my old neighborhood and we reminisced about our impromptu play dates in the cul-de-sac.  She said, “I drive by your street and look at your house and I feel sad that you don’t live there anymore. I’m going through my own mourning.”

Really?  I hadn’t considered that. 

I spent last week thinking about it.  I’m not sure I came up with answers to my questions, but the simple acknowledgement that others are adjusting, too seemed significant.  The personal stories I read helped me to see that we’re all connected on an intrinsic level.   

I’m healing. I’m letting go of the sadness and you, People of the Internet, are helping. I’ve written the complete outline for my first contemporary fiction novel (well, my first novel period) and I’m a few chapters deep.

Who knew making myself vulnerable and sharing honestly would make me feel so scared and so powerful?   Through my blog I’ve reached so many people and so many people have reached back!  It’s heart-warming.  It’s inspiring.  Quite frankly, it’s un-fucking-believable and it makes me want to write more. 

* My sincerest apologies if this title made you sing ABBA.


venba said...
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