Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Dear God, what am I thinking?

Happy Mardi Gras, ya’ll!  I’ve binged all day today in celebration of Fat Tuesday, being the good Catholic that I am <not>.  I’ve eaten chicken and waffles for breakfast and a cheeseburger with tater tots at lunch.  For dinner I had pulled pork ragu over pasta paired with a cabernet and I topped off my evening and my belly with an ice cream cone.  A Drumstick to be specific.

As it were, this Fat Tuesday I had an epiphany.  I am a larger, sadder, sicker, tired-er version of  myself and by and large I’m sadly sick and tired of being sick and tired.


I want to live my life again, not just lie around and watch the time pass.  I want to feel vital and energetic.  I want to feel healthy.  And by healthy that means that I’m not breathless from taking the trash to the curb.  It means I can play soccer with my boys and not poop out after one goal kick. 

I need to exercise.  People say that P90X really works, but I watched that shit for two hours straight and I didn’t feel a thing.

I’ve heard the key to good health is your efforts should be 90% in the kitchen and 10% in the gym.  I can honestly say I sweat every time I take the brownies out of the oven. 

I dunno, maybe it’s the stress.  I’ve had lots of it the past ten months which accounts for why I look like I ate myself.  I have realized that I need to change my eating habits.

What better time than the Lenten period to make a sacrifice and do something good for myself in the meantime?  There is something fundamentally wrong with that, methinks.

I’ve always had a problem with Lent.  I think that forty days is a long time to sacrifice something dear to me, and when I if I were to fail, I’m not only failing myself, I’m failing GOD.  I’ve thought of choosing less sacrificial things like giving up bowling but either way I feel like a cheat.  I know He’s got the whole forgiveness thing going on, but I’ve never even tried.

I’m turning over a new leaf.  I’m going to give up the foods that sap my energy.  I’m going to Eat to Live!  Or at least follow this particular diet. 

Here are the parameters:

1.  Unlimited vegetables (goal is a pound of cooked and a pound of uncooked every day).

2.  Unlimited fruits (goal is 4 whole fruits per day).

3.  Unlimited beans (at least 1 cup per day).

4.  1 ounce of nuts/seeds per day.

5.  1 optional serving (1 cup) of grains or starchy vegetables per day (squash, corn, potatoes, rice, cooked carrots, sweet potatoes, breads, cereals).

Like most of you, I’m still stuck on the TWO POUNDS of vegetables a day.  Hello toilet, want to be my new BFF?

I am adding a sixth parameter, which is optional for this diet.  It is that I can have a total of twelve ounces of lean meat a week.  I just can’t imagine giving up meat for forty days.  For those of you who think I am taking the easy way out, I have this to say to you:  You’re absolutely right.  I’ll be lucky to survive the first week of sugar withdrawal and a girl has her limits.  I’m going to eat dead animal carcass and I don’t care what the hell Dr. Fuhrman has to say about it. 

So, I’m off to bed and I’ve put my intentions out on the internet, so by default that means I’m accountable.  I hereby declare the right to renege on my Lent offering at any time if the withdrawal headaches prove to be unbearable. 

Wish me luck.


Daisy Among Roses said...

Good luck with hitting the restart button. It is a little more tolerable when it's for a higher purpose. Here's to good fuel in the body! Happy Lenten!

R.F. said...

You may need to offer gas masks to all around you! Good luck to you and may your veggies treat you well!

Shannon said...

Thanks, Claire! So far, so good!

Shannon said...

You know me too well, Brother. The next item on the grocery list is Febreeze room spray.