Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Service check

I had an ultrasound yesterday to have my "fluids checked." At the end of my pregnancy with Sam, my amniotic fluid ran a bit low so the doctor wanted to check things out. I guess I was due for a service anyway, and I'm very thankful that I didn't need a radiator flush. Come to think of it, I don't think they even do that before giving birth these days. The docs let the whole fam damily in to watch and let women shit all over themselves whilst pushing like a damn cow.

Butt, I digress. Ahem.

I bared my gleaming white belly for the ultrasound tech and she lubed me up with warm jelly before she got to work. I watched with subdued excitement as I saw Max's profile appear on the screen. Content in my quiet reverie, the tech blurts out, "Wow! That's a big head!" She continues taking measurements of Max when she asks, "Do you have gestational diabetes?"

"No," I reply.

She laughed and shook her head, "You don't even want me to tell you how big your baby is measuring right now."

I lifted my head and gave her a look that said a thousand words, some of which were, "What the hell!? Don't laugh at me and freaking tell me the size of this kid!"

She said, "He is measuring between 6 1/2 and 7 pounds. That puts him at 37 weeks."

"I'm only 33 weeks."

"Yeah, I know. You're going to have a huge baby."

She did the measurements three more times to ensure the accuracy before printing off the pictures and softening her tone a bit, "I'll fax these over to the doctor right away."

Ok, I'm not the best at math but I did some quick addition in my head and I am looking at a 10-pounder by the time my c-section rolls around. Yes, c-section. I've never been happier about having major abdominal surgery. My babies come out of the sunroof! Whee!

I spoke with the nurse today at my OB's office and she said, "The doctor said there is no reason for alarm. You have a c-section planned already so we'll stay on that course. Again, there is no reason for alarm."

Pfft. Easy for him to say. He doesn't have to carry this thing. I've already gone pee three times in the 20 minutes it has taken me to type this post. My belly button is already popped out and I'm still having Braxton-Hicks contractions every hour on the hour. (No, I am not at risk for pre-term labor - I've been checked recently. I just have an over-achiever for a uterus, which will be robbed of the grand finale and doesn't even know it.)

I did have a dream early in my pregnancy that Max will weigh 9 pounds 3 ounces at birth. Granted, my motherly instinct thus far is crap. My pregnancy intuition has been dead wrong at every turn, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Anyone care to venture a guess at his size when he is born? The winner gets an all-expense paid trip to Aruba and 10K in spending money! Kidding! Guess anyway!

3 comments:

Auntie Angela said...

I'll guess 9lb 11oz and how about 21" long.

Shannon said...

Whoa Mama! Ang, along with your guess, say a prayer for me! :P

Cindie said...

I would say he will weight 8 lbs. 8 ozs. and 21 inches long