Friday, September 21, 2007


It is interesting to see how many words have the word "rage" embedded in them. I feel like one of those words right now. I don't know how to continue trying to feel normal when I'm jacked-up on hormones and waiting for the end of another failed cycle. These injectable hormones make me feel like someone, something, I've never felt before. I feel such intense pressure in my head from the severe headaches they cause and I have this rage inside me because I just want this to fucking work. I keep telling myself:

Don't get discouraged.
Have an alcoholic beverage.
It can take months to get pregnant, on average.
Don't disparage.
I wish we had insurance coverage.
The cost of these drugs is outrageous.
At least I have the help of amazing doctors. To not would be a tragedy.

And mostly:

Keep up the courage to continue.

It is all worth it in the end.

Torment the dog to amuse the child

Here is a video of me chasing my poor dog with a nasal aspirator while Sam squeals with delight. Yes, I make a game of chasing my loving pet with bathroom toiletries; the nasal aspirator being a favorite because the swift puff of air it delivers sends Emma running for the hills, leaving me and Sam in her wake.

Click HERE for the video.
(It's a bit dark, but you can still see the action.)

Monday, September 17, 2007


A dear friend of mine recently travelled to Colorado and New Mexico with her family for vacation. We met for lunch today after our 2-week hiatus and she handed me a small gift she picked up for me while away. Inside the small, green bag was a circular maplewood box with an engraving and inlaid turquoise stone atop. Attached was a card which reads:

Legend of the Dreambox
The Legend of the Dreambox (often attributed to Lemuria) suggests writing down your fondest dream, greatest desire, strongest wish on a small piece of paper, putting that paper in a Dreambox and placing it beside your bed. Every evening as you retire and every morning as you rise, hold your Dreambox and think of your dream, believing with all your heart that it is so. Legend has it, if done faithfully...your dream will come true.

Engraved on the top of the box is Kokopelli, an ancient Native-American Deity of fertility. He is depicted as a humpbacked flute player, and is thought to carry unborn babies on his back and deliver them to women.

I cried when I saw the small gift my friend had brought to me. Although it may seem like a "trinket" as she put it, this gift means more to me than just that. I am so blessed to have friends who think of me and show their love and support during this difficult time. Thanks, Friend. I appreciate you more than you know. I will certainly use my Dreambox and hope that Kokopelli stops by for a visit soon!