Back to work. Well, not really

I went to my old employer's office today. My two friends that accompanied me to Story Time both worked for this company as well. We decided to load our babies up and pay a visit.

Since I'd worked there, the company had moved to a new office. It is a very nice new office and makes the place seem more like a real company. The old building consisted of cube farms with mismatched chairs and yellowed monitors. The ceiling tiles were bulging and water stained and the carpet hadn't been cleaned in years. But the new place is nice.

I saw many familiar faces, smiling and warm. Everyone asked how I am doing and a few asked if I'm coming back. Of course I answered no, but there was a part of me that longed to be back at the office. I was Quality Assurance Manager when I worked there and I loved my job. I enjoyed making decisions and having input to important things. I liked seeing my ideas come to fruition and having people respect what I said. I was good at my job. I built a department and put many new and lasting policies in place. I was a female working in a male dominated field, but I held my own without having to be the hardened bitch many women are forced to become when working in management. I laughed a lot and tried to make work fun. I tried to be a good boss. I liked dressing up and feeling professional and attractive. I miss those things about work.

My new job is great. I have made a decision to stay at home with my son and I don't look back. I actively choose this role - to be here for him, not only as his caretaker but as his role model. I still make important decisions but of course I don't see the immediate reward. I would never want to put Sam in daycare, as long as we have the choice. But still, on occasion I miss being in the workforce. Ah, the classic work/stay at home conundrum. Different strokes for different folks. I know I've made the right choice for me.