Monday, September 11, 2006

In remembrance

Today marks five years since the attack on America. I refuse to call it an anniversary. It isn't a celebration. I can't believe it has been five years. I can't believe it happened at all. I watched the news this morning as a moment of silence was observed for the victims and their families. I cried quietly to myself, as my darling son slept soundly in the other room.

I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that a plane had crashed into a building in New York. I thought that it was a small commuter plane that probably broke a few windows and "bounced off" and crashed to the ground. I had no idea what really happened was even possible. I remember the feeling of dread and sadness I had for the days following. Such a waste. Such hatred. And for what?

Today as I think of the events that took place five years ago, I'm filled with a much deeper sadness. I think now that I'm married and a mother that my heart feels the pain more for those who lost their loved ones on that tragic day. I immediately ache for the pregnant women who lost their husbands, the men who lost their wives and the millions of others who lost someone they love. I can't imagine the loss they feel as just thinking about losing Rob or Samuel brings tears to my eyes. I have to quickly shake the thought from my head as it is too horrible to bear.

I love my family and friends. I love my country. I love the happiness that I am able to feel every day, and the sunshine and peace I enjoy in my little world. I shut myself off from the news and the horror that is taking place across the world. I, like every Miss America contestant, wish for World Peace. I wish the hatred could be wiped away and the killing would stop. I wish that everyone in the world could be afforded the peace and security I feel in my little spec on this planet.

I wonder if by shutting out the awful acts that are taking place overseas, I'm doing the victims an injustice. I turn the channel when the news reports of more bombings or terrorist threats. I choose not to face "reality" because the reality is this world is much scarier and more dangerous that I can let my mind accept. Being a mother means being vulnerable. Vulnerable to the loss of the one thing you would give your life for without a second thought. I don't want to think that I've brought a child into this place of murder and hate-crime and terror. I can't bear the thought. I want sunshine and roses. We all do.

Today, however, I will acknowledge the loss of our great country. I will cry for the families who mourn the death of someone they love. I will pray that this fighting stops and our soldiers come home. I will hope for sunshine and roses.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope for world peace too. Hopefully Sam will see it in his lifetime. :)

Wonderful reflections Shannon. - C

Courtney said...

Who is "C"? Isn't that MY initial? Okay, I know I shouldn't be petty when my real goal is to leave my first "comment" on your B.L.O.G. Did I ever mention to you how clever you are? , ahem, okay, ready to be serious now --

I couldn't have phrased it better, the emotions you feel regarding today. I wish I had the courage to watch more about what is happening outside the U.S. but I don't. One thing I do know -- we, citizens of America, cannot stoop to scrutinizing and criticizing people just because of their religious preference. Nor can we assume that we can force feed another culture our democratic beliefs. Some things just don't fit. Okay, I've said my piece. Let there be peace (in some way or another).

Sunshine and rainbows,
Courtney

Patrick said...

We should try and kill all the people who have stated that they want to kill us and have told their followers to go kill us.