Wednesday, October 13, 2004

That familiar feeling

I haven't blogged in a while, and I don't think I'm going to post this one. I just feel so depressed. I don't know if the medicine is making me this way, or the fact that I can't seem to get pregnant or the fact that I've gained weight. Rob and I are on our 3rd cycle and we go to the doctor on Friday. I have one night left of the Letrozole, and it has been driving me crazy. I seem to be so sensitive to medicine. I think I get almost every side effect listed. The past two nights, I've had a very difficult time falling asleep. The night before last, I was up most of the night and I finally went to bed around 6:30 AM. Last night I didn't fall asleep until after 2:30 AM. This has got to stop. I feel so down and hopeless. I hate the fact that I've gained weight and I'm so bloated, it only makes me feel worse. I ran some errands today and I just felt like crying at Wal-Mart. I don't want to hang out with anyone and I don't feel like going out of the house. I want to try to exercise so much, but recently, I've just been so exhausted I can't seem to do anything. I don't even find enjoyment in putting up my fall decorations. I really hope that I get pregnant this time, but for some reason I just don't think it is going to happen. Maybe that is my subconscious way of preparing myself for disappointment. I don't know. I think I'm going to go lay down. I've been having sciatica pain that has been keeping me up at night. It really sucks. I feel bad for Rob. He has been so great and supportive. He is the best that I could ever ask for. Emma too. I don't know what I would do without them. They are my life.


Shannon said...

Eh, what the hell. I posted it anyway.